14 June 2016

0014 | Two Months and a Prayer

It's June. June already. So much happens between back then and right now, and I am challenged to write any of it down outside the pages of my longhand, pen and ink, stream of consciousness blatherings in a stack of hardcover, extra large moleskine notebooks. Since taking up Julia Cameron's morning pages, I'm a beast on paper. Not so on the computer machine.

Months ago, Marie Tjernlund introduced me to Comfortable with Uncertainty and I have not been so grateful for a book recommendation since my dad's girlfriend, Gloria Jean, gave me Eloise as a child. I still love that tattered book and Eloise is still a hero of mine.

I have been thanking the universe for my discomfort, for putting people and experiences in my path that stir me, either positively or negatively. I've been examining my relationship with the reality I have created for myself. Today Ben and I read two short meditations on equanimity and then while we sat, my heart spoke a prayer. I have only recently taken up prayer again, and it looks and sounds and feels so different from my childhood. The God of my youth was spiteful, bloodthirsty, and played favorites with his children. Then the Jesus came and offered mercy and forgiveness and love, but formal religion has largely ignored that bit, and besides, salvation comes with a lot of groveling and browbeating and more playing of favorites. The deferred heaven and hell plan also makes very little sense to me. We create so much of each right here.

My soul has not yet come to terms with the idea that there is any higher power than love itself. I have no proof yet--let's call it faith. I am sure the science on this one will bear out eventually. In the meantime, I choose to believe in love. I choose to believe that the greatest power in the universe, Love, asks one thing of us: MORE LOVE. I cannot believe that the highest power in the world would ever dictate division over unity, separation from each other over connectedness. We are neurologically wired for connection and meaning--in these things we find purpose, and in purpose, we find joy. I'm off on a rant, and I was going to share a prayer. Every day is proof that I am a work in progress.

May I enter this day wholeheartedly, ready to give and receive limitless love, compassion, joy, and wisdom. 
May the earth beneath my feet connect me to all other beings who also share share this earth.  
May my heart be open to you, my fellow human, and to the delight of your very existence. 
May I practice compassion, and in that compassion find how we are connected.  
May a daily practice of compassion teach me a relationship with you in which I am at peace in traveling my own path, and in allowing you to peacefully travel yours.  
May I seek gratitude for my discomforts as well as my comforts, and open my mind and heart to the gifts of their lessons. 
May I be willing to let go of expectation, of blame, of aggression.  
May I be willing to give up being right, so that I may instead become what I am meant to be.


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