0012 | There will be no sigh. My resignation is a truth grenade.

Okay, I know... it's been months. This terrible thing happens when you're lying to yourself about what's okay: you can't really tell the truth to anyone else either. And so being quiet while you figure it out is sometimes a better way to go. That was me. Quiet for a minute. But the good news is that I figured something out. Why does this keep happening to me over and over? It's like it will never be done already.

You know how they (whoever they are) say that people don't leave jobs, they leave bosses? Well, isn't that just the ever-loving truth? So last week I left my boss. Actually, last week I became my own boss. I have named myself Chief Cupcake Officer and Picklemeister at elemental cupcake & pickle. I also happen to be Senior Creative Director, Operations Manager, President, and everything else. So there's that keeping me busy.

I also gave myself the job of Holistic Reality Interrogation at Inquisitive Human (and everywhere else I happen to be). I was not entirely serious when I had business cards made a week before I quit XX, but Ben and my Bowenwork therapist (seriously, google this mysterious healing magic) and everyone else I've giggled to has been encouraging me shamelessly. You know who you are. What were you thinking? And thank you so much. I am available to take interrogation clients in April 2016.

And for anyone who wants to read it, here is the resignation letter I sent to my boss after realizing that there was no possible way to have a conversation with her, but that I just might be able to start one elsewhere. Lo and behold, I have had more real conversations with my co-workers and senior leadership since sending that email than I ever could for all my pleading. I hope this is the start of a bigger conversation within XX - one that reflects the real values of the people who work there, and not just the temperament and atrocious behavior of one boss. I really believe that people can be made better or worse by their leadership, and that sometimes there is too much at stake to continue being led poorly. Mmmmm... steak.

Here's to speaking your truth. May it set you free.

....................................

XXXXX,

Although I am declining tomorrow’s meeting, I am open to starting a new conversation next week if there is anything you would like to discuss.

While I would like to have contributed to a more human voice in how XX Services engages, both internally and externally, the kind of transformation that leadership professes to want for the team can only come from leadership itself. I have yet to be persuaded that there is a better engagement model than one that is customer-centric. The current internal resistance to inquisitive and respectful conversation leaves me with no context in which to exercise my strengths within XX Services.

       

An unspoken insistence on maintaining the status quo of consultative posturing and a XX-centric engagement model is evident in our wake of unsuccessful engagements and unhappy customers. We offer prescriptive solutions, and only when those go sideways do we begin to assess the problems—and then only because they have become our problems. We give away countless hours to make things right. Over half of our team sits on the bench while we are not invited back to re-engage.

The predominant culture is one of telling vs. asking and consulting to vs. partnering with. It is a culture that is uncomfortable with ambiguity and transparency. Rather than appearing to not know the things we cannot possibly know before engaging in a dialogue of discovery with each other and the customer, we come out swinging, often with leadership heading the charge. We are reactive and authoritative, rather than attentive, thoughtful, and inquisitive. Communication flows in one direction: down, and rarely in a manner that is well-received by the customer or each other. We tolerate entrenched bad behaviors at the expense of collaboration. We are unskilled at asking relevant, relationship-building questions. We are even worse at listening. Trust is expected but not given. And we wonder why everyone is so bloody difficult—our customers, our teammates, our sales team. We wonder why XX reports abysmal morale. We choose power over partnership.

I feel strongly that our current model is neither a sustainable business practice nor a healthy way to live.

Please accept my resignation from XX Services, effective immediately. I will work with XXXX and XXXX on the logistics of my exit.

JAMES-OLIVIA HILLMAN

XXXX PROFESSIONAL SERVICES | SOLUTION CONSULTANT

M+ 000.000.0000 | james-olivia@XX.com